


Dysfunctional

by AlmondRose



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne (mentioned), Gen, I like to think there's humor in this, Tim wipes the floor with the girls, he will laugh in your face, never mess with Tim Drake, or call your family dysfunctional in front of him, yaass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-28 11:54:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6327811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlmondRose/pseuds/AlmondRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tim overhears a girl call her family dysfunctional. Then she tells him that his family can't be worse then hers. Oh, she did NOT just say that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dysfunctional

Tim Drake sat next to two girls bent in conversation. He bent over a book and scanned the words, trying to zone out the girls’ words. Suddenly, one of the girl's voice penetrated his hearing.

“I mean, Claire got a boyfriend with tattoos, just ‘cause my parent’s got divorced, so now they’re arguing. Urg, my family is _so_ dysfunctional.” Tim almost got whiplash, he turned to face them so fast.

“ _That’s_ dysfunctional?” he asked, incredulous. “Your sister has a biker boyfriend?”

“He’s not a biker,” the girl said. “At least, I don’t think he is….”

“And what’s it to you?” the other girl asked. “It’s none of your business.”

“You’re right, it isn’t, but you have _no_ idea what a dysfunctional family looks like.”

“What does it look like, then?” the first girl asked with a tiny smirk, as if to say: _You can’t top_ me _, idiot_.

“You are in for a wild ride, I promise,” Tim said. He rubbed his hands together. “Alright, where to start. Let’s start with my older brother. Dick. He’s the perfect child, always the example. He’s my father’s favorite. He used to live with the circus. Now on to Jason. Jason joined our family after my father found him trying to steal his tires. Jason was alright for a while, tried to live up to Dick’s legacy, but then he left for a while and came back a legit drug lord. Now he hates us all, but hey, he’s family. Then there’s me, who tries to be a good son and a good brother. There’s also my sister, Cass, who was raised in another country and didn’t know how to read or speak until she was like fifteen. Next we have Damian, or as everyone likes to call him, Little Demon. He’s a nightmare. He was raised by his mother, raised to be a proper pain in the butt. He thinks that since he’s our dad’s biological son, he’s better than us all. Oh, and he hates everyone, but especially me. Damian’s mom hates us all, especially my dad for leaving her then getting a boyfriend.” Tim grinned at the look of horror on their faces. “And that’s not all. My ex girlfriend likes to hang out with Damian and teach him about being a kid. So she’s at my house all the time. And Dick’s ex got shot by the freaking Joker and is now paralyzed, yet she still comes to Thanksgiving dinners. What else?”

“There’s _more_?” the second girl asked in an almost whisper.

“Ah, yes, let’s not forget the current boyfriends. My father’s boyfriend is a reporter who lives in Metropolis and grew up on an actual farm. And I’ve met his parents, and they are stereotypical farm people. Literally. They make me call them Ma and Pa. And my dad’s boyfriend’s adopted son is my boyfriend. And I don’t have grandparents on my dad’s side, just a kind old butler who loves us all to bits, even though we drive him mad half the time. And the reason I don’t have grandparents is the same reason Dad relates to Dick so much--because _both of their parents were murdered in front of them_.”

Tim stood up while he said the last sentence. Both girls were pale, and one’s jaw was hanging open. He smiled sweetly.

“And I didn’t even mention that we’re billionaires, and own half the city.” The he turned on his heel and walked away, whistling jauntily. And that’s _without_ the Batman thing, too.


End file.
